We owe it to ourselves to be happy for obvious personal reasons.   But we have a moral obligation to our spouses and families to take happiness seriously – and to be as happy as we can be.   

In fact, we owe it to our fellow workers, our friends and everyone who comes into our lives to work on our own happiness.

In general, we treat people with more respect and dignity when we are happy. But, it’s not easy being happy.  Just ask any teenager, being unhappy is much easier – It’s the easy way out.  Unhappiness takes no courage, effort, or greatness.  Anyone can be unhappy. 

This is why happiness is a serious problem. Which is the title of this book by Dennis Prager.  Dennis Prager is an acclaimed author, lecturer and radio talk show host. I recommend this book to anyone who is interested in happiness. Dennis writes:

If you just pursue happiness, you’ll never find it.

True achievement is only found in establishing a sense of meaning and purpose to your life and allowing happiness to be a by-product of other pursuits.

Such pursuits as:  attaining wisdom and maturity, and developing attitudes that enable us not to despair – to keep on going, despite life’s inevitable setbacks. 

Many people go through life waiting for something wonderful to happen to them to make them happy.  I try to be happy unless something happens that makes me unhappy.

I’m a member of a men’s charity club that meets every quarter for dinner.  After dinner, we are entertained by a professional comedian.   The day after one of our dinners, I was on the phone with one of our members who said “I love sitting next to you at our dinners because you always laugh so loud at the comedians”.  I told him that I come to the dinners anticipating a fun evening and I want to laugh.  Laughter makes me feel good and it helps the comedians - they seem to get funnier with more laughter.  

When the comedians are on, I look around the room and see a few of the guys hardly cracking a smile, at the same time I’m having a ball.

They seem to listen to the comedians with the attitude “OK buddy, Make me laugh.”   Do you think that if these guys were happier, they might enjoy laughing more?

To a child, happiness and fun are synonymous.  And, many adults continue to hold on to this belief.  But, equating fun with happiness is a great obstacle to happiness.

Although having fun in your life is desirable, the major difference between fun and happiness is that fun is temporary, happiness is ongoing.

Eating chocolate cake and going to parties can be fun, and may contribute to your happiness.  But, spending too much time pursuing fun can actually bring unhappiness.  In fact, a fun-only life is as unfulfilling as dessert-only meals.    

Eating desserts may be fun, but for many people these foods are more of a source of unhappiness.  Which group tends to be happier – those who have fun eating all the fattening foods they enjoy, or those who have learned to usually deprive themselves of that fun and keep their bodies in better health and better shape?  

Fun can be similar to a drug. Like drugs, the next dose of fun must be stronger than the previous one.   And that can be a frustrating treadmill.  

Many people identify pain, the opposite of fun, with unhappiness.  Although we may never be able to precisely define happiness, we do understand unhappiness and like pain we usually try to avoid it.

But happiness is not possible without some pain and struggle.  So, the attempt to always avoid pain by substituting fun rather than dealing honestly with your pain makes happiness impossible.

Instead of wasting too much time on relatively unrewarding diversions like desserts, drugs and hours of television, we should make the important things in our lives as much fun and rewarding as possible.  

I do a lot of cold calling on the phone in my commercial real estate business. I understand that for some people just the thought of making a cold call is painful.  But, I try to maintain a sense of humor and enjoy achieving cold calling goals.  

I am happy to meet with new prospects and I enjoy helping them with their needs and turning them into clients.  And that makes cold calling worth the effort.

The purpose of achieving a happy life is not to avoid pain, but to learn how to deal with the pain.  The responsibility is yours.  Do you want a life as pain-free as possible, or do you want to live life to the fullest – achieving goals, making speeches, and improving your mind, body, and spirit?

Everything important in life is attained by working hard, and happiness is no exception.  The notion that we must constantly work on our happiness is actually disconcerting news to many people.  

“No pain, no gain” is not only true for developing a physically fit body, but it is equally true for developing a good life.

Abraham Lincoln’s words ring true: “people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be”.  So, whenever you have pain, remember, you don’t have to be one.

Some people think that unhappiness leads to complaining, but it is truer to say that it is complaining that leads to unhappiness.

If there is one secret to happiness, it is gratitude.  Happy people are grateful, and ungrateful people cannot be happy.

Look around you, smell the flowers, and rejoice in the gifts that life has to offer.  Become more grateful and you will become a happier person.

I often wonder if I am entitled to be as happy as I am, given the amount of suffering and evil in the world.  Does human suffering pose a challenge to your personal happiness?

Instead of allowing the world’s evil to prevent me from being happy, which would only give evil another victory, I choose to fight evil by being happy and trying to do good.

And, happiness is an important element to doing good.  Because unhappy people are usually less effective at doing good than happy people.  For one thing, unhappy people are usually too preoccupied with themselves and their own unhappiness.  Even if they want to do good for others, their unhappiness can cloud their judgment and stifle their ability to communicate in a positive manner.

Now, we can choose to react to the world’s suffering and evil in 3 ways:  

When people choose to be grateful, they tend to treat others better, and they tend to maximize their potential as human beings.

In life, there are givers and takers.  There are a lot more takers than givers.  But, it is the givers who tend to be more grateful and experience a more joyful life.

And giving does not need to be monumental.  If you smile at every one you pass, it just may be the only smile they received all day.  And what a simple and possibly monumental gift.

Because happiness is a serious problem, we owe it to ourselves, our family and friends and everyone we come in contact with to be as happy as we possibly can be.

Happiness is not a goal or destination, but like life, it is a journey.  And here’s to your Toastmasters’ journey.  May it bring you wisdom, self-confidence and much happiness.  

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