How
to Weather The Storms
Rose
Lane, DTM July 05
While it's true that into each life a little rain must fall, how we react to such situations can prevent many a storm. For instance, have you ever been verbally attacked by a client, a manager, a co-worker, a friend, a family member, or perhaps even a spouse? Did you react on a stormy, emotional level, becoming defensive and adversarial?
Why not consider the alternative by acting calmly, instead of reacting in a confrontational manner? Otherwise, what possible good could this do in helping to solve the problem? I can't think of any. Can you? Is it worth losing your cool and possibly a healthy relationship? I don't think so.
When you feel put upon, and react in kind, you're really saying, "I'm allowing my ego to get in the way of good judgment." Friends, when dealing with this kind of verbal abuse, getting on the defensive to protect our egos can only compound the problem.
On the other hand, I think you'll agree that protecting the egos of others who look to us for guidance can help avoid these storms. This attitude really works! I'm talking about years of experience dealing with people from all walks of life, in these kinds of explosive situations. We actually blossom when first we start focusing on others.
In weathering these storms, may I suggest that you keep your ego in its proper perspective, to prevent any such altercations? We're not only talking about business relationships, but in all relationships.
The question is, would you rather be right, or would you rather get along with people? There are those who insist on being right, but this solves nothing. When a person is angry, that's not the time to try to change his ways of thinking. Especially, if you're matching your anger to his.
I suggest to simply back off. Nothing positive can be gained in this kind of an exchange. If, for example, you find yourself blaming others for making you feel upset, accept the responsibility of choosing whether you want to be upset. You do have the choice. You can decide how you want to feel. Otherwise, you're giving too much of your power to others.
It's nonsense when we say, "that person really upset me." You're either willing to let others dictate how you should feel, or you're willing to take responsibility for your own feelings.
Until I learned this self-discovery, I can't begin to tell you how many times I felt intimidated and took it to heart when my clients took their frustration and anger out on me. It could be about anything that didn't happen to fit into their unrealistic expectations.
For example, if, concerning my listings, an agent left the door open, a light on, or called to show property and never showed up, who do you suppose got the blame? In those darker days, in assuming the blame, I didn't realize I was giving those clients the power to cause me needless stress. In the words of a wise man, "The inability to cope with stress has stopped a person short of his real potential." I was more fortunate than some.
For example, during the years I was with Coldwell Banker, I became a Vice President of Marketing and a troubleshooter, putting out fires. My responsibility was to prevent expired listings and cancellations. After years in sales and later, managing an office of 30 agents, I was the likely candidate for this position: handling complaints. Today, it's called customer service.
It's only fair to keep in mind that when people are selling their properties, they are under a great deal of pressure, going through major crises and lifestyle changes. Actually dealing with their fragile egos and their demands was extremely challenging -- at times, even fun.
Although I loved putting out fires, still in this new position, I continued to bear the brunt of our clients' frustrations and outbursts. But I no longer took these outbursts personally. I realized these outbursts went with the territory.
Take the time I had a conference in my office with a couple, who insisted, "We intend to cancel our listing, NOW!" Their property was way overpriced, in a sluggish buyer's market. The solution was to get the price reduced, and their home sold. While explaining how we were going to do this, the woman kept asking, "You are going to cancel our listing now, aren't you?"
Suddenly, without any warning, she jumped me, pounding her fists across my desk, screaming "You're grinding me, you're grinding me, you're grinding me!!!" I half expected to get punched in the face. She was pushing my buttons, but I kept my cool. This frustrated her all the more. She was ready to do battle, and I wasn't about to play her game.
When I didn't agree with her demands, she continued these tirades again and again. Yet, I continued to remain perfectly calm. I felt such compassion for her; she was so angry with me. But I was not about to cancel their listing without a valid reason. Her husband sat motionless, without even a word. I had a feeling he was scared of what she'd do to him, if he did speak out.
Once his wife knew I'd stand my ground, she settled down, reduced the price, and their home was sold. A big part of growing is learning to disagree in a loving and acceptable way. Over the years, I've had plenty of practice.
Many times, the complaints were unfounded. Other times, some were funny. Take the time I had a call from one of our sellers who lived in an estate property, and apparently thought she was the cat's meow. She was absolutely livid, totally out of control as she screamed at me. "When I got home just now, I found your agent's card and my fur coat is gone. I'm going to have him arrested and lodge a complaint against you, madam!"
So what do you do when a client is threatening, and dead serious about turning us into the authorities? I took a deep breath, and in the most pleasant way I could muster, asked, "Why would you even think that our agent took your fur coat?" She snapped right back, "Didn't I just tell you that I found his card and my fur coat missing? Don't you understand me, madam?"
Again taking another deep breath, calmly I asked, "Do you really think an agent would leave his card for you if he actually took your fur coat? Is it possible you left your fur coat in storage for the summer?" That's exactly where she had left her fur, and simply forgot. Yet, she was so incensed, ready to do battle, but I never gave her that chance.
Most of the time when people have a complaint, they are ready to do battle. They expect to get resistance with an argument. So, Immediately they're on the defensive, shouting. Usually, when I gave them the opportunity to blow off steam, vent their feelings, and really listened to their concerns, we were able to resolve their problems, and continued on with a friendly relationship. It is foolhardy to allow little differences to ruin some relationships.
Another consideration is the use of humor. Humor can go a long way in dealing with clients. Let's look at this situation when a touch of humor turned a major crisis into a winning solution. This was during President Nixon's era. One of our irate sellers stormed into our corporate offices shouting "I demand to see the President!"
He had just come from a shouting match he had had with the manager of the Northridge office, where his home was located. Sadly, this manager had allowed his ego to get in the way of his good judgment, and compounded the problem.
You can well imagine how even more frustrated this seller became when instead of being taken to the President's office, he was ushered into my private office. As i greeted him cheerfully, offering him a chair, he continued standing over me, angrily shaking his finger, warning, "Young lady, if I don't get this problem solved at your level, I am going straight to the President."
No one before had ever talked to me quite like that. I was so taken aback, that in the next moment, I found myself holding up my fingers like this. Grinning from ear to ear, I said "I am the president!" Talk about an ice breaker! The man just roared. Later, he gave me the opportunity to solve his problem.
Now let's suppose in these three situations, I had allowed these sellers to ruffle my feathers, and in turn ruffled theirs. The results could have become explosive in each of those cases. Nobody wins in those kinds of negotiations. Not only that. Those conflicts could have caused us to lose three listings, future referrals and repeat business. Reasons enough to always keep in mind the Golden Rule, and to be compassionate towards our sellers' needs and feelings.
So, my dear fellow Toastmasters and special guests, although into each life a little rain must fall, I strongly urge you to avoid conflicts, at any cost. Take responsibility for your own feelings, while protecting the egos of others. Using these methods will assure that you can Weather The Storms.
copyright 2005, Rose Lane, DTM
duplication or copying of any kind expressly forbidden